With the launch of Grafton's Farmers Market nearing, chatter from local vegetables has swelled to ear-deafening levels. Tomatoes have been escaping off the vines in record breaking numbers and those left behind have been put on the anxiety-reducing drug Lexipro.While some are panicking, Tomato spokesman, "Big" Bigboy says other veggies need a wake-up call. “They’ve been brainwashed into looking forward to nice caprese salads and other fresh seasonal dishes” he says, “and they need to have someone yell into…well…wherever they hear from…that their life is basically OVER!” Others cope by attending all night cucumber keg parties to start the pickling process, and some simply avoid eye contact with anyone who walks by. A group of peas are contemplating getting their own table at the Farmer’s Market to promote perfectly edible chemical, fat, sugar and sodium filled foods.
Whatever the strategy, most of the local vegetables are lining up to buy big insurance policies from Gaudette. When Agents ask about the beneficiary, they quietly pull out a few seeds out and slide them across the table with a knowing look.
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As the market manager for the Grafton Farmers Market, I would like to clearly state that the veggies we sell suffer far less than those from stop and shop. Instead of traveling 1500 miles (average distance of food from source to plate in the US) in a smelly, rickety, nasty metal truck, they simply travel 2.8 miles from Houlden to beautiful Grafton common. Those tomatoes should thank us!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your point Grafton Farmer. Feel free to speak directly to the tomatoes on this topic. They may not be too receptive though. I tried telling irate organic-fed chickens how lucky they were just before they went to the slaugher house...but it fell on deaf ears.
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