Sunday, January 31, 2010

Toyota Seizes Opportunity to use Grafton's Traffic Dummy for Crash Testing

When Toyota Engineer Dodge E. Pedils got wind of how often the traffic dummy near the common was struck by a car, he thought he could be a company hero. “By putting crash test technology right in the dummy we can get lots of statistics on accidents, and then report how many of these cars are not Toyotas,” he says. After installing a test system in the barrels last week, they have reported that 1 in 50 cars actually hit the dummy, most are not Toyotas, and only 1 in 1000 have a BOS sticker on it. Pedils added “We may have caused a few deaths recently, but we think that the American people deserve to know how unsafe other cars are – and are thankful to the town of Grafton for helping us tell our story.”

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Garlic Announces Launch of Sutton Squash and Auburn Avocado


Taking a cue from a local online news organization which has recently expanded to other towns, Garlic owner AJ Aglio decided to "spread garlic" by launching "The Squash" and the "Avocado" for Sutton and Auburn.  Garlic's self-educated CFO Iman Dett says "Hey, if we can make no money in one town, why not make no money in other towns?  Others may call it "economies of scale" but I just like to call it...well...can I get back to you on that?"  Satirical news sites for other local towns like Hopkinton and Shrewsbury are reportedly delayed due to lack of catchy vegetable names.  Insiders say Garlic's creative team has moved on to unhealthy meats and may go with "Hopkinton Hotdog" and "Shrewsbury Spam."  Also, Garlic's rumored slogan (for which lawyers are poised to sue for copyright infringement) "Satirical serenity is our policy, Annoying every elected official in Massachusetts is our goal" has not been verified. 
 
The Grafton Garlic
The Grafton Garlic
Become a Garlic Fan