K. Whynot persuades local McDonald's to offer new “McMansion Meal”

After years of belittling Grafton residents who purchase homes in new developments, local writer Kay Whynot sought to make amends. He worked with McDonald’s Manager Cal Oreigh to develop a new product just for Grafton – the McMansion Meal. The meal comes in a large colonial shaped box and comes with a cheeseburger, fries, large drink, and a toy mortgage document. Whynot said “I thought it would be fitting to charge a little extra for the meal and make people put it on a credit card.” A small percent of sales will go to the Board of Selectman's Hot Cocoa budget for cold-patch/plowing parties on unfinished developments. Whynot is also busy developing a new line of McSoccerMom and McSUV meals scheduled to launch in October.

Data Geek Has Good Time Turning Police Logs into Pie Charts

Business Analyst Chris Anzer doesn’t stop work at 5:00pm. When he gets home from a long day analyzing financial services data, he trolls websites looking for fun data to make into charts and graphs. Anzer hit the jackpot yesterday when he stumbled upon an electronic version of Grafton’s police log.

He told Garlic Reporters, “After crunching the data, I thought I’d see the majority of officer time spent on underage drinking stings, murder, theft and counterfeiting that have made recent headlines… but instead I found that the top transgression in town is a motor vehicle stop.” His conclusion: The big crime problem in Grafton is speeding and that Grafton is lucky to have enormous police speed trapping resources.

Anzer has offered more detailed crime trends to local Police Chief for a small cut of the motor vehicle stop fees (which he calculated at upwards of $4,000.) He quickly followed that offer with “just kidding” for fear of being a statistic in next week’s log.