Saturday, October 17, 2009

Poor Showing at “Be A Parent Not A Pal” Leads to Deceptive “Family Beer Night”

After a poor turnout at Be a Parent, Not a Pal class on underage drinking, some initially thought it might have something to do with the preachy course name. Committee Chair John Mullier disagreed. “Compared to the original proposal: You Suck As A Parent, We Will Help You Suck Less, the title is pretty mild.” said Mullier. He now admits, however, that those who serve alcohol to minors are not likely to come to this kind of course at the High School. He is now considering an alternate approach -- a town event called Family Beer Night. “That should smoke out the truly ignorant parents we're looking for.” he said.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Garlic’s No-Revenue Model: Real or Evil Plot?

After Grafton’s main online news source switched to “pay-for-content” this week, many are questioning how The Garlic (Grafton’s online news spoof) can afford to deliver content. “There is no advertising or subscription revenue that I can discern,” says Media Analyst Sean Heinkel. “Perhaps they are doing it to bring levity to the town, but I seriously doubt it,” he added. Some residents have heard rumors that The Garlic is looking to lure fans, somehow get them chemically addicted to the blog, shut down the site and demand 1 million dollars. Board of Health Inspector Mavis Lane warns Grafton residents to consume these blog posts in moderation to “ward off addiction.” The Garlic CEO has not been available for comment but has been spotted around town spending tens of dollars at Treasures Thrift store, buying extra PAYT bags and laughing maniacally-- signaling to the town a diabolical optimism about future Garlic earnings.
 
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